“Bikur holim” in Hebrew means visiting the sick.
Bikur = visit and holim = sick people.

Jewish laws can be divided into two kinds: ritual (between people and God) and interpersonal (between people). Bikur holim is one of the interpersonal laws and an important way communities care for members. 

Throughout the generations, Jews have celebrated together and supported each other at birth, weddings, illness, and death – for example, bringing food to new parents, helping a couple rejoice by dancing at their wedding, making a shiva visit, and more.

When we visit sick people, we try to rise to the best of our human potential by imitating the Divine:

At the end of one Biblical chapter, Abraham circumcises himself, Ishmael, and their entire household. The very next chapter, Genesis 18, opens with a Divine visit to Abraham. The juxtaposition led the rabbis to assume that only a short time passed between the stories told in the two chapters and that the Lord (in the form of angels/messengers) came to visit Abraham to encourage his recovery:

…One should follow the attributes of the Holy One, Blessed be He… Just as the Holy One, Blessed be He, visits the sick, as it is written with regard to God’s appearing to Abraham following his circumcision: “And the Lord appeared unto him by the terebinths of Mamre” (Genesis 18:1), so too, should you visit the sick… (Sotah 14a).

The Sages consider the mitzvah so important that “Rabbi Akiva went out and taught: anyone who does not visit the ill is like a spiller of blood” (Nedarim 40a). Why might Rabbi Akiva have made this point so strongly? It may be practical: the sick person can die without food, medicine or other care, or the statement might be a symbolic expression of how important it is to visit the sick, even if it is difficult.

Even though a visit can lift someone’s spirits, it can be uncomfortable. 

You may be concerned about respecting their privacy or not seeing them looking weak or not as “put together” as they like to be. You may be afraid to think about your own inevitable illness and death. It may be physically unpleasant, you may dislike hospitals or unfamiliar settings, or you may not know what to say or do. For these reasons, many people avoid it.

Regardless of its difficulty, bikur holim is understood to be an obligation for all of us, not just for professional clergy or chaplains.

How to do it?

You can visit people wherever they are, with sensitivity to their medical situation. They may be at home, in a nursing home, or even in a hospital. You can visit in person, send a card, or even make a phone or video call, depending on your relationship and their situation.

The Sages provide some guidelines on how to perform this mitzvah, to make it easier for the visitor while also protecting the sick person’s dignity.

Rabbi Yosef Caro (born in Spain in 1488, died in Safed, Israel 1575) wrote the Shulhan Aruch, his code of Jewish Law and covered this topic. We can search for the principles or values behind the legal rulings and apply them to today’s situations.

It is a religious obligation to visit the sick. Relatives and close friends may visit immediately, and others after three days. But if (the sick person) is gravely ill, all may visit immediately… (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 335:1)

In modern terms, we should balance the need to give encouragement and support the patient with the need not to embarrass, tire out, or worry them.

Rabbi Caro goes on to say:

We don’t visit patients with intestinal maladies, eye disorders, head disorders, nor those who have difficulty speaking. We don’t [come into] these patients’ presence, rather, we enter the vestibule of their house and ask after their welfare, inquiring whether they need anything… we listen to learn about their suffering, and we pray for the patient. (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 335:8)

He wants to emphasize the importance of each person’s dignity and how they might want to be seen. We don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable when all we are trying to do is help them.

Prayer can be a meaningful part of the visit if it is comfortable for both the patient and the visitor. There are a variety of reasons prayer can be powerful, even if you do not share the traditional assumption that prayer can change the outcome.

Caro also recommends visiting in the middle of the day and sitting at the same level as the patient. The principles behind all these rules are to honor the person’s privacy while showing your concern and willingness to help as an individual and as part of the community. 

Modern rules entrench these values in other terms (respecting visiting hours, giving the family time alone, speaking quietly so as not to disturb a roommate, and practicing good hygiene to preserve the patient and yourself).

Each of us can find the balance that honors all these principles. 

Parting advice

Bikur holim visits are similar to shiva visits in that the visitor should let the host set the tone and agenda.

Everyone is different, so it is wise to call before and see what they want: a visit, a chat on the phone, a delivery, or just knowing you are thinking of them.

If you are nervous, try going with a buddy. Go with no agenda, not filling the space with words to mask your discomfort. Just showing up is already “success.” Seeing that you care may mean more to the person you are visiting than any practical help.

Be aware of not staying too long, avoid asking questions about the person’s medical condition, and keep anything they share confidential unless they are in physical or mental danger.

Finally, for a humorous look at how NOT to do bikur holim, look at this satirical video and identify the ways the visitor ignores all the advice above!

Further and related reading: 

1. Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon – Rambam or Maimonides for short, Spain 1135- Egypt 1204, Laws of Mourning, chapter 14).
2. Mourning a Miscarriage on visiting after a miscarriage as a form of bikur holim. 
3. Berakhot 5b – how to do bikur holim from the heart and how having experienced illness yourself can make you a more empathetic visitor.