When someone experiences true tragedy, it’s hard to know what to say.
At a recent social event, a good friend and I shared how shocked and saddened we were by the sudden death of our mutual friend. He asked me how I would respond to a person who has just experienced the tragic loss of their spouse. “It’s just so hard to know what to do,” he said.
I listened quietly as he shared this challenge—not knowing exactly what to say in those moments when we want to offer comfort. And then I responded,
“Here is what I won’t be saying…I won’t say:
- ‘Your spouse is now in a better place.’
- Or ‘It must have been his time.’
- Or ‘God only gives you what you can handle.’
- Or ‘At least he didn’t suffer.’
I will let our friend know that she will not be alone and that I will accompany her on this sad and tragic road.”
I continued, “It is actually all we can do for each other. We can’t make it better, but we can make sure we show up. I will say Hineni, here I am.”
The word Hineni shows up throughout the Bible. Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and Samuel all respond “Hineni” when God calls them. While each of these calls is different, they are all connected. All of these prophets were ready and willing to show up fully present, focused, and attentive.
Hineni connotes a willingness to show up, even when we are not sure how things will unfold or what will happen next. This fullness of presence brings courage and commitment, bravery and belief—that our being there matters and makes a difference.
Rabbi Nina Beth Cardin enhances our understanding when she writes, “Hineni…is a spontaneous, unequivocal commitment promising: ‘I am here,’ where and as you found me, fully attentive, focused, all in. And even more, ‘I am here’—all of me, with all that I am and all that I can be. ‘Hineni’ is a response of sacred and undiluted presence.”
Hineni is a clarion call for each of us.
When visiting a shiva house, Jewish tradition teaches that we enter in silence and only speak to the mourner after they have broken the silence. It is our presence, not our parlance, that is most significant. We don’t have to find the “right” words; we just have to show up.
This idea of showing up extends beyond houses of mourning. Hineni means that we show up wherever and whenever we see injustice. Whether it catapults us to write letters, donate resources, or volunteer our time, our actions are the physical manifestations of saying Hineni.
This call to stand up to injustice was quintessentially modeled by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, who marched alongside Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in the fight for civil rights, as well as protests against the Vietnam war and nuclear proliferation. Rabbi Heschel demonstrated for us what it means to say Hineni.
While not all of us will be able to participate at such a high level of political engagement, yet, we are able to show up in smaller ways, like when we listen deeply to a family member or sit with a friend in silence, when we visit the sick or bring food to the hungry—we, too, say, “Hineni!”
The importance and power of presence cannot be overstated. Saying Hineni means that we respond with a sacred, pure presence.
Where do you feel called to show up? How will you say “Hineni” this year?
