Growing up, my grandfather, Stan, only had a minimal connection to Judaism. In contrast, I have had a childhood that is greatly affected by Judaism. Our conversation revealed many of the similarities and differences in our lives.
My grandfather grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, in a neighborhood that was 90% Jewish. Both of us went to Conservative synagogues as children, though my grandfather really only went when forced to. Like me, he stayed home from school on Rosh HaShanah, but only because his parents didn’t want him to think that he was Christian. He just stayed home. He did not go to services. On Rosh HaShanah, my family goes to services all day. At Temple of Aaron in St. Paul, my parents even help lead the high holiday services.
Because of the size of the community, his bar mitzvah was a quick ceremony shared with two other boys. In my neighborhood in Minneapolis, there are no Jews outside of my family. I had a full bar mitzvah, and was very familiar with the service beforehand, as I had been to synagogue many times.
My grandfather’s only attendance at a synagogue service was the week before his bar mitzvah. Before my bar mitzvah, I went on many trips to the synagogue, including Hebrew school on Saturdays, where I would learn the prayers. My grandfather was stuck in the 2nd grade level at Hebrew school at the age of ten, and never really learned Hebrew until adulthood. He said he often had to choose between baseball practice and Hebrew school, and he often chose baseball practice.
One similarity between our upbringings was our involvement in Jewish youth groups. I do USY and he did AZA, a branch of BBYO (B’nai B’rith Youth Organization). But our homes were very different: his parents were fairly secular and were not greatly educated in Judaism, while my parents are deeply rooted in the Conservative Jewish community. My mother works as a teacher at the Jewish day school in my area, and both of my parents make Jewish music.
A big Jewish shift occurred in my grandfather’s life when he was 33 years old. He and my grandmother moved from Staten Island, New York, to Nashville, Tennessee. His decision to go to a Conservative synagogue there was not driven by a deep connection to Judaism, but rather by a personal connection: the rabbi was his cousin’s brother-in-law. Right after they started attending, however, the rabbi moved synagogues, in search for a better job.
After the rabbi moved, my grandpa finally took an Intro to Hebrew class, which was actually a conversion class. When I asked him why he took the class, he said, “I had to model for my kids, so I took a Hebrew class.” My grandfather also took on the role of the shofar blower for the community, a skill helped by having played the trumpet since fourth grade.
My mother later became a bat mitzvah at that synagogue, and the family started to keep kosher. Looking back, my grandfather said that if they hadn’t chosen to go to West End synagogue, the only Conservative synagogue in Nashville, most likely my family would not be nearly as involved in the Jewish community as we are today. This seemingly random choice has had an enormous impact on my family’s Jewish life.
I really enjoyed the opportunity to speak with my grandfather about the importance of Judaism to him, and I learned so much more about him and my family. I learned that it is very important as a parent to model for your kids, whether it is for Judaism or other things. I plan to model for future generations the way that my parents and grandparents modeled for me.
This essay was submitted as part of Exploring Judaism’s L’Dor V’Dor Essay Contest. To learn more, or submit your own essay, go here.
