My family has an unusual and unplanned tradition: I’m the third generation of my family to have the same TorahRefers to the first five books of the Hebrew Bible, the Tanakh, also called the Five Books of Moses, Pentateuch or the Hebrew equivalent, Humash. This is also called the Written Torah. The term may also refer to teachings that expound on Jewish tradition. Read more portion, parshat Emor, for my bar mitzvah. My father and his mother did, too. 

Becoming a bar mitzvah is an important rite of passage into adulthood. But for my grandmother, the experience was different, because she had her bat mitzvah as an adult.

When my grandmother was a child, she went to Hebrew School and services every week at a synagogue in the next town over. She remembers not knowing any of the other kids, but looking forward to going every week because she was so interested in learning about Judaism. At the time, it wasn’t as common for girls to have a bat mitzvah, so she did not have one, but she kept going to Hebrew School through high school. 

My grandmother shared how meaningful it was to her to spend time in Israel as a young adult. In the summer of 1968, soon after the Six Day War ended, my grandmother went to Israel for ten weeks. She started the trip by going on an archeological dig and then traveled to Jerusalem. With a new friend she met on the way, she went to the Wailing Wall and she made a small wish. She spent the rest of the summer spending Shabbat with people she met, discovering new places, and hiking. When she returned home from Israel, she realized the importance of Conservative Judaism to her identity. 

Years later, when my father got bar mitzvah’ed, my grandmother was extremely proud. After my father and his sister left home for college, my grandmother decided that she wanted to become a bat mitzvah. She prepared for six months for the exciting day. When the day came, like everyone else, she was excited, but very nervous. Her parents and her children came from around the country to be there with her for the important day. Afterwards, the family went to dinner together to celebrate the profound achievement.

When my older brother became a bar mitzvah, my grandmother was not able to travel to be with our family because it was early in the pandemic. When it was my turn to become a bar mitzvah, my grandmother was so excited to be able to be with our family for it. She traveled all the way from New York to Texas and gave me my tallit for the ceremony. She helped me put it in the tallit bag that she had needlepointed for me when I was younger, and I was excited to finally get to use it. When I wore my tallit for the first time, I felt appreciative of everyone in my family and of my congregation who had supported me.

Over the years and across generations, many of my family’s other traditions have stayed the same. Every Shabbat when my grandmother was a child, she went to her grandmother’s house for dinner and to light the candles. She also fondly remembers preparing and eating traditional foods such as latkes for Hanukkah and matzoh ball soup for Passover. Although my grandmother lives across the country, we go to Shabbat services together when she visits. We make special foods for the holidays using her recipes. My favorite is matzoh ball soup, just like her.

While I was preparing for my bar mitzvah, I didn’t understand the importance of it. After experiencing it with my family, I have come to understand how meaningful it is to have traditions continue from one generation to the next. They help to bridge family, Judaism, and our busy everyday lives. 

Now I realize that all those years of Hebrew school, holidays, food, and ceremonies serve many purposes. All of this has been passed down from generation to generation: L’Dor V’Dor.

This essay was submitted as part of Exploring Judaism’s L’Dor V’Dor Essay Contest. To learn more, or submit your own essay, go here.